


Zombies and Us

by someidiothasice



Series: Arrows and Duct Tape [2]
Category: Deadpool (Comics), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: AUish, Ambiguously Bi, Bromance, Gen, Of course Tony's cousin is Nathan Stark, Pre-Slash, arrows and duct tape, zombies yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 10:46:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someidiothasice/pseuds/someidiothasice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Nathan," Wade says very seriously, "say hello to my not-so-little friend, Nathan."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zombies and Us

This time out Wade and him are in the middle of taking out a town of zombies, and how is that Clint's life now, when with a barbaric yawp comes from overhead.

Clint looks up in time to see Thor, their resident demigod, fly into the middle of the scene and crash-land mightily upon at least three of them. His hammer is swinging, his eyes are fierce, and there is a man with a metal arm clutched to his side. They also leave a giant crater in the street.

Clint doesn't even ask, just turns around and goes back to the fight in time to see the zombie that had been leaning out of an overhead window point-oh-three seconds ago fall directly on top of Wade.

"Deadpool!" he shouts, using an arrow to stab one zombie in the face before he pulls it back and takes aim at the one trying to chew Wade's face off.

But Wade just laughs and says something about pepperoni pizza as the tip of Winona pops out of the back of the zombie's neck.

Clint makes a face, because _eww_.

"Hawkeye! Deadpool!" Thor booms mightily. He does a lot of things mightily. Or enthusiastically. Tony had a good week of fun designing a bed that would stand up to the demigod and the little misses before he'd thrown his hands up in despair and had adamantium struts brought in. "Our Captain sends both his regards and regrets of being unable to assist you in your quest to slay the undead. I have come in his stead, and I bring with me a fine warrior to assist!"

Clint and Wade both pause, because they _can_. It's not like the zombies are going any faster than half a mile per hour, they're just... dead. And bitey.

They turn to look at the new guy, who waves at them with his metal hand and from the corner of his eye he sees Wade grin and wipe ineffectually at the blood on his face. Clint internally rolls his eyes.

_Here we go,_ he thinks to himself. _Just like that time with the B.A.D. girls._

"Hey," the new guy says, "I'm Cable."

"What the hell kind of a name is Cable?" Wade asks. He then turns and slices downwards savagely at the zombie that had been creeping up from behind. It drops neatly in two pieces and Wade turns back to flashy-arm-- _Cable,_ Clint thinks, _and really, what the heck kind of a name_ is _that?_ \-- and cocks his hip out.

Cable raises an eyebrow back at him and the corners of his mouth tug upwards and _oh, fuck,_ Clint thinks wildly as Wade's grin only gets bigger, _please, lord, no. I can handle it only if this guy doesn't encourage him._

"What the hell kind of a name is Deadpool?" Cable snaps back without missing a beat. Wade straightens and preens, and Clint looks at Thor desperately. Only the big guy had already raised his hammer and charged a bunch of zombies. Clint winces when he thinks of the dry cleaning bill that only comes with things like exploding zombie heads and nights out with Tony Stark.

And it's almost like the universe can hear him, because at that moment Iron Man lands down and Wade's eyes positively light up with glee.

Clint sort of wants to stab himself through the eye with an arrow, but he refrains because Phil already has enough on his plate with the Avengers running rampant all over the globe. He wouldn't enjoy having to fill out the paperwork that would come with Clint's untimely suicide as well. He would probably make a deal with the devil that got Clint's time in hell spent doing nothing but said paperwork over and over for all eternity.

"Tony!" Wade cries out, and suddenly there's Phil's voice over the commline.

" _No names, Deadpool,_ " he says sternly. Wade makes a face and Clint turns to survey the scene.

Thor's having a grand old time swinging his hammer around and sending chunks of zombie into the far distance. It's... actually pretty gory, so Clint tries to just take in the headcount. There's not a lot left, unsurprisingly, at the rate that Thor's going. Clint almost feels bad for the poor dumb creatures. They just keep on coming, hungry for that tasty human flesh.

Almost, because one of them had tried to take a bite out of his thigh earlier, and that had been _waaay_ too close for comfort.

Iron Man makes a noncommital noise and waves a gauntleted hand in the air.

"Please, it's not like the entire world doesn't know who I am," he says. "How's it, Pool? Long time to see. You don't call, you don't write. You don't even invite me to the zombie apocalypse. I'm beginning to have doubts about this relationship."

"Don't be like that, baby. Not when you've been cheating on me with Captain Patriotism," Wade says with a perfectly straight face. Tony lifts the faceplate on an eyeroll and Wade's eyes travel up and down the suit lingeringly, the way they always seem to do with anyone who is as remotely sexual as Tony Stark. "You know I only have eyes for that suit. And Bea Arthur. And possibly our new friend with the shiny metal arm." Wade looks sideways to where Cable is watching the back and forth with a small smile on his face.

"Techno-organic virus. Living metal," Cable says with the sort of air that must come with explaining this over and over as he waves his arm. Wade nods.

"I took a swim in some biowaste a while back," Wade says with a smirk. "Had some interesting effects." He flips his katanas around in his hands and wipes them off on his thighs. Clint makes a face at that, because some of the gunk is actually _black_ and now, by default, so are his pants. Wade slips them back into their sheaths with a quiet _snikt_ and sticks his hands on his hips. He regards Cable for a minute before he sticks his hand out.

"Wade Wilson."

Clint's just happy to see there's none of that blood gunk on it. At least Wade's learning.

" _Deadpool! What'd I just say about names_?" Phil says in their ears, exasperated, and Clint smiles because the only other person who can bring to light that level of grumpiness out in Phil is himself.

Cable steps forward and takes his hand. They shake slowly, testing each others grip, and Clint's honestly just happy that Tony's there now, because it feels less like he's witnessing eye-fucking if there's somebody around who does it on a daily basis with his boyfriend-slash-bestie-slash-friend-with-benefits.

Clint really, really needs to be friends with some guys who scratch their balls and belch. All this metrosexuality is going to give him a complex. Or turn him gay. Gayer. Gay-ish. Bi then, at least. Ambiguously.

"Nathan Summers," Cable says, and Clint groans along with Tony when Wade's eyes light up with an unholy sort of happiness.

" _Names,_ " Phil tries again desperately. And once again he's ignored.

"Nathan," Wade says very seriously, "say hello to my not-so-little friend, Nathan."

As he says this Wade pulls Nathan back out from his sheath and holds it in front of him with both hands on the hilt. He holds it over his own crotch and gives a leer.

From next to Clint Tony snorts.

"I don't know what's creepier," Tony says to him with a grimace, "the fact that this Nate guy looks intrigued, or the fact that Wade's still going around using the sword he named after my cousin."

"Both," Clint says. He puts a hand on Tony's armoured shoulder and shakes his head as they walk away from the sword admiration going on behind them. "Definitely both. C'mon. Let's see if Thor left us any zombies."

"It's like it's fate or something!" Wade exclaims from behind them. Nate laughs, Tony snorts again, and from up ahead Thor is still booming Asgardian obscenities at the walking undead.

It may be a slightly ridiculous life, especially when dealing with an ex-mercenary with a mouth for a partner and a parking lot full of zombies, but it's his. When Tony wraps an arm around his waist and flies them overhead to pick off the stragglers Clint knows he wouldn't trade any of it for the world.


End file.
